I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
