the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
