Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
