I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
