3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
