So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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