I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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