well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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