i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
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