We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
