The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
