eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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