Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
