i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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