to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
