Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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