Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
