the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
