I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
how does that bad decision feel?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
