If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sext me about skeletons
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
