i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
