i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
