I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
