My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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