i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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