OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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