Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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