So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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