Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
