Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
