big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
