i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
