I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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