The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Bring me that man meat
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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