I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
