Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
