I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
