I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Already got asked if we're dating
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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