i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize