i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
