Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
