Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
