Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
