You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
