eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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