Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
