I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
