erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im six kinds of drunk right now
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
