I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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