did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
