The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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