WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
