It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
