I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am available for nakedness
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
