Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize