honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
