then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
