don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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