Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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