you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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