no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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