Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
