ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
