Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
