No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
