Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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