Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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