As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
