i wish my penis had a tongue
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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