Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
