really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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