my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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