we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
