he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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