weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
