I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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