I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
