My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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