Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
