yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so let's talk penis.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
