She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
