If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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