girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Come share oat with me in your robe
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
