just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The uberlube is also flammable
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
