Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
