Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
