I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
