Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
