you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize