I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
