everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize