I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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