That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
