I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
