alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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