I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
