i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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