I'm going to jail i love you
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I could fuck to npr.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
