Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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