She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
